What has changed in the last ten years?

I think it will take some to come to terms with Wangari's passing on and to accept that the soldier who fought valiantly, not only for environmental matters but for democracy in this country, is no more. I have been struggling with many questions with regard to what is referred to as the 'second liberation' and if indeed things have changed and if they have changed what kind of change are we talking about.

The picture on the left shows Wangari defiantly opposed the government's plan to plant right in Uhuru Park, a 60 storey building with funding from the people we love and adore, 'foreign investors'. International pressure influenced by Wangari's stand against this project, saved the day.

I just keep wondering if it was today the project would have been stopped. Discussing with friends the other day, the general view was there would be a tall building in Uhuru Park. What is the reasoning? For one, there is such political apathy as people struggle for survival in a situation of serious inflation and high cost of living. At that time there was one common enemy, KANU and the leadership then. The population was totally tired of the politics of the day, and even though they may not have overtly stood by her, they silently supported Wangari and I am almost sure she was aware of the political companionship of Kenyans. There was joint opposition. What about now? Would the leadership today which is busy dividing people through tribal politics even listen? It would seem that greed has blinded the leadership, made them deaf; totally focused on their survival and not that of Kenyans. And the laissez-fair attitude? And with the widening gap between the richest and poor, is there something or somebody that can bring us together to rally with Wangari to stop the construction? 

Thank God it didn't happen and that we had one courageous woman to stand up for us at that time. We have made a lot of gains democratically, and we can now seek recourse from the courts with confidence. But it is important to keep on interrogating ourselves on what progress we have made as a democracy. 

Fare thee well Wangari

Rest in Eternal Peace Wangari. You have left a legacy that will be almost impossible to equal. I felt even prouder of you as the nation mourned your passing on. In death, as is usual, we seemed to realise and acknowledge what you had done for this country. As they say in Gikuyu, 'Imenyaguo yari iria yakua', or only after it is dead does the owner know that his cow produced milk. We recognised the sacrifices you had made for this country; sacrifices hardly anyone else would have allowed themselves to go through. It is even beyond my comprehension how you managed to challenge the construction of the KANU Tower single handedly. Indeed in the photo at Uhuru Park, you look so lonely yet so brave. You allowed the government to bash you for Karura Forest and as you joined the mothers of political prisoners at the Freedom Corner. Indeed, by your commitment to planting trees, you protected our country the same way a mother would protect their child; ready to die for her. And there was always a smile on your face. 

From our guilt and embarassment, we had to give you a formal farewell, only befitting your stature as a Nobel Prize Laureate, and especially as your winning it put us to shame - we had continued to ignore the truth you stood for. How little we must look and feel, in the knowledge that most of us left you alone to fight for the life of this country. We can see now, years later and suffering for a large part of our population, what you fought against. We should have fought with you, supported and protected you but we didn't. But I cannot but feel even more proud of you now, as you lived your principles to the very end. You left the ruling and political elite no room to take advantage of the situation. You didn't allow them to politick at your funeral, competing for who gets the greatest visibility. You had given your wishes and left no space for them to abuse. There was no tribal, party or religious ownership.  And in death, as in life you taught us that simplicity did not whittle down respect and honour. It was not the expensive coffins, the palatial homes to show off, how big a crowd was fed, and how many politicians spoke at your funeral, that made one famous. Indeed, even in death you pushed us to think beyond the limits, to protect trees. Who would have thought about the hyacinth? You proved to Kenyans that it was our interdependence rather than dependence that was our strength; linking the people from the mountains to those from the plains; those from the lakes to coastal kindred and all of them were parts of this great nation.

Wangari, it was your actions and the life you lived that earned you the admiration and respect exhibited by people beyond our borders. It would seem that those who lived a life of sacrifice for the greater good died in peace and were genuinely mourned by many. I can only remember Mother Teresa and Pope John Paul II, in the same breath. For you, even the Church seemed to be at home with the name Wangari at the Requiem Mass. Can our leaders learn from you?

You will always be my role model, for your courage, fierce defence of your principles, the great faith you had in yourself and most of all for your love for this country and mankind. Above all you were a great teacher and as I miss you, I will look 'up' to you for inspiration.

What do we want to be as Kenya? Let's work on our contradictions!

I am almost sliding into my comfort zone of apathy but I have to struggle and wiggle myself out. The question I am struggling with is what do we as Kenyans - I need to be careful too because there are the Kenyans and there are Kenyans - want for this country. Right now more than 10% of Kenyans are fighting to stay alive as famine and hunger starkly stares them in the face. As we are fantastic at reacting and coming to the rescue of the suffering, we are going it 'Big Time' to raise 1 billion to feed the hungry. And I have no grudges against this. We have to save lives. And this time we don't need 'We are the World' because we can do it ourselves, in Nairobi and not New York,  this time round. But did we have to wait this long, after the writing has been on the wall for a long time?

That, however wasn't my issue for now. My issue is what it is we want as a people, as a country and as leaders (those who carry that responsibility). I am not sure who that 'we' is. But I know that we must decide if we want to be a 'Middle Income Country', and start earnestly the journey towards realising the Vision 2030. Do we have what it takes? It is obvious despite the 'stark poverty' in our midst, we have financial resources. But should this remain at the level or reaction. It is obvious that we are in dire need of leadership - and this goes with people who are visionaries. We need structures and governance that works for the majority. After all, aren't we a democracy or aspiring to be one?

This is a perfect time, if we can grab the opportunity, to sit back and think, and think strategically. And this is where, the 'middle class' that is said to be growing, has a responsibility to themselves and their country. This is an opportune time as we are facing serious problems. It is not just the hunger, it is also the energy crisis, the high cost of living, housing for the majority, the anarchy that is our education system, the story of Pumwani Maternity hospital and that of Thika hospital, buildings collapsing, the traffic jam in the city, unplanned development that has been accompanied by lack of basic services and infrastructure. It is the story of the many symptoms of an economy and a political system that is carrying a heavy burden of illnesses. It requires serious treatment, not palliatives. On the other side, we have a new Constitution, which to a lot of us seems to be the 'wand' that will solve all our problems, but I believe that democracy requires hard work from all of us. We have elections coming next year and we can do something to change our lot. That is if we want to.

My great concern has been, how do we attract investments when many hungry faces and frail bodies splash the television screens all over the world? How do we beg for food and at the same time advertise our country as a tourist destination? What do we want to be known for; a country that consistently begs for food because it can't feed its own people or a country that has great potential for business? What kind of Kenya are we branding and what does the world associate with us? Do we want to be known for destitution while at the same time showing the world the greatest marathoners and cross country champions? Do we want to be known as top tea, coffee and flower producers while at the same time declaring emergencies because within the same country people are dying of hunger? What image do we want out there depends on our visionary thinking and the actions we take towards achieving our vision.

How do we even spend the money we do, in branding Kenya unless really we are truly convinced of what we want to be as a country, as a nation? What are we branding, the poverty that can earn us more aid or the beautiful country with a diversity of peoples, fauna and flora? Are we branding a country that will have the so called post-election violence or tribal clashes and have outsiders to come and put off a fire we ignited and played with, yet knowing the damage it can do to our country? As we know, 'kizuri chajiuza, kibaya chajitembeza' as they would say in Kiswahili, meaning that people will know a good product and talk about it to others, while you have to really go out of your way to sell a bad product.

I will share two real experiences that have made me too aware of the contradictions. Recently, while queuing at Immigration at Heathrow (these queues can be long), we started a conversation with a fellow traveler. Having told her that I was from Kenya, the first thing she asked me was if I knew of an organisation or individual who could be trusted, because she wanted to support some children in Kibera, and see them through school. What she didn't want was that the money she gave didn't end in the wrong hands, or go to NGOs who had to take a percentage for their running costs. I was sincerely taken aback, first because my being a Kenyan reminded this woman of Kibera and destitution, and here I was queuing with her to enter into the UK where I was going to visit a university where I was a distance learning student. So, I already started wondering about the contradictions of how much money I was paying to the university, and my travel costs, and here I was with a woman who genuinely wanted to help children in Kibera but the issue was if the money she wanted to give would go directly into helping the children. For a flitting moment I wondered if I could also offer that service and support such a mission, linking the 'donors' to children in those places and run an organisation with integrity that could be trusted by such 'donors'. But, I soon went back to my self. That was not the solution!

Another example is one time I was living in France in the early 19990s, and one Sunday as I was attending Mass as usual, during the sermon, the priest talked to the congregation about efforts to supporting countries in Africa, which were struggling with the HIV pandemic. And one of the countries that were mentioned was Kenya. I wanted to stand up immediately and correct him; that Kenya didn't have a high prevalence of HIV/AIDS. I knew he must have got it all wrong, since most likely the priest could not tell one country in Africa from another. To say the truth, I was so angry, I wanted to go and talk to him after Mass and ask him not malign our country. I had to be patriotic! Later on, of course, there was the realisation that as usual we had wanted to keep this under wraps, just like we claim publicly that there is no famine and no one has died of hunger, and even go further to sack those who have embarrassed the government because that is more serious than loss of life.

So my issue has been, how can we be the country that flies the 'Pride of Africa' while at the same time we remain a begging country? How can we have come up with innovative ideas like 'M Pesa' while at the same time remaining dependent on aid? How can we get even a glimpse of Vision 2030 when we can hardly do anything or make serious decisions with regard to health, education, housing - name whatever sector, without mentioning the word 'donor'. We leave the begging out of the equation when it comes to politics and lavish spending, and I think mostly because we are almost assured of aid for anything. And maybe that's why we can afford not to worry about governance and policy making that has been characterised by contradictions. The concerns for our leaders do not seem to be addressing the three key 'enemies' that were identified at independence; poverty, disease and ignorance. Rather, it is the exploitation of the 3 to remain in power and what we have got as a result is that a large proportion of the Kenyan population is burdened with them. And it doesn't seem to be a good idea for politicians to eradicate these. At least, there is no reflection in the way we are governed that there is commitment to doing anything about it. I am sure I won't have veered off too far from the truth if I think that even the Vision 2030 is dependent on what we have come to accept as 'Development Partners'.

As I have mentioned in a earlier blog, our leadership's focus is the 3 'Us', Ukubwa, Ulavi na Ubinafsi. And as long as these are the guiding principles, forget about visions. We might as we well talk about nightmares as we experienced in 2007/2008. The challenge is, unless we really address the contradictions and work on our dependency mentality we won't go very far. We could lose the vision.

Take care you don't get the 'monito'

I believe (maybe I am wrong), that in many cases in this country and especially when it comes to government action, we give our attention to the wrong target. Rather than addressing the problem, we attack the symptoms or sometimes miss the mark completely. And then we are happy we have done away with the enemy. A lot of the times, we have missed the target by a big margin. Think, for example, of the many times instead of fighting crime we go for the 'criminals' even when we cannot prove we caught them committing crime. Or the many times the small 'fish' are fried as the big ones swim away into the depths of freedom. Many are the times too that we have used palliatives because we would rather avoid surgery or procedures that will cure the illness. Instead of addressing the issue of what is ailing us and seeking for the cure we would rather get rid of the pain.  

In this case I am talking of the ban that has been slapped on speaking 'vernacular' in the public offices. The language has become the problem and if we get rid of it, we shall have rid this country of tribalism. Get real! The ban reminds me of the dreaded 'monito' system in many schools. Don't ask me what the word means because I have no clue. I hear it is still in operation in many schools, even as I write. For the few who may not have heard of, or experienced the 'monito', I can try to explain what I know about it. What happens is that in many schools, in the name of ensuring that children are educated, English must be the only and only language spoken in school. In many schools, and my granddaughter has recounted the experience of being caught in the act, Kiswahili is not allowed as a language of communication in the classrooms, except of course during the Swahili lesson. So there is this thing, resembling what security people give drivers as they are allowed into a gated institutions or estates, which a student is given if they speak vernacular. And for having been given the 'monito' you deserve punishment, including 'caning', which still exists due to the same problem of evading dealing with issues. That is a topic for another day. The long and short of it, students fear the 'monito' and the punishment that comes with it.

Again we have missed the whole point. Speaking your mother tongue is the most natural thing you could be doing as a human being and is the best means of communication, which you feel most comfortable with. The language one learnt as a child, which connects one to family is not the culprit. It is important in one's life. Let's get real! I am not saying that we make assumptions that everybody understands it. Nor do I mean that we should have the bad manners of using it to back bite others. But I don't want to feel guilty because I speak Kiembu nor should I be apologetic because I speak one of the 'native' languages, at all. But please in case you had forgotten, do remember education is English and English is education, in our part of the world. For others, it will be French, Portuguese or Spanish. But for us; excuse us, it is English.

Anyhow, let us go back to the banning of vernacular. The rationale for this decision by our 'honourable' gentlemen and ladies is to fight tribalism and surely this will ensure we don't fight each other again after voting - which is just a year away. By communicating in English we shall be putting an end not only to that 'ugly' habit of speaking vernacular in the presence of others who don't speak that particular one, but also to fighting against each other in the name of tribe. What better way of fighting tribalism than getting rid of this habit. That way, we shall have saved Kenya the embarrassment of being associated with tribal clashes and post election violence. Phew!

Maybe one comforting factor for those banning the speaking of vernacular is that these languages are going to disappear soon and very soon indeed. I can almost hear people sneering at that but it is a reality. The so called vernaculars are going slowly to extinction because they are not being taught any more and soon too they will have no important role to play in our society. What do I mean by this? Our languages are not growing because they are not taught in school nor at home. They may be used to explain or translate orally what is being taught in English at the primary school level but contrary to what the policy states, nobody teaches how to write and read them in the early grades, which limits vocabulary and mastery of the language. Children cannot count nor deal with numbers in their vernacular. In the absence of interaction with their grandparents and other experts in the language, due to time spent in school and lack of opportunities and ways of passing on culture and language to future generations through story telling and other traditional media, then vernaculars have a very slim chance of survival. Parents too don't think the mother tongue is important in their children's lives as English improves their opportunities in life. Of what use is the vernacular?

If you don't believe me, listen to yourself - if you speak vernacular, and count how many English or Kiswahili words you put in a sentence. Not because there is no such word in your mother tongue but you have forgotten. And if that is not true, listen to the FM radios that broadcast in vernacular and I must say for those ones at least I understand (Kikuyu and related languages), English is soon going to replace the so called vernacular.

So dear MPs and others, no need to worry. The so called vernaculars will be a thing of the past. And all of us will be civilised, rid of any traits of tribalism.

Lessons from the International Criminal Court (ICC) at the Hague

In an earlier blog I had intimated that we get the leaders we deserve, especially in a country like Kenya where we have had the privilege of voting since 1963. I can almost hear the drowning shouts of ‘it is a right’. Well, not so fast. It hasn’t been for many countries in Africa and other places and there can’t be people who know this better than Kenyans, who have hosted refugees from almost all countries in Africa from the 1960s through to today. And this reality came closer home not only in 2007/2008 but at other times in our history when people have lost their lives in what has been referred to as ‘land’, ‘tribal’ clashes, close to election times. Do I have to mention 1992, 1997 etc? And as I watched the TV last week; dominated by the ICC as well as the ‘shouting matches’ from politicians, prior to the hearings at the Hague, I was spurred to go back to expressing some of my thoughts, beyond the usual arguments, the humour in the Twitter and Facebook, because I still believe that we have a responsibility to work hard for democracy.  It is a big responsibility for each individual and especially with all the politicking that has dominated the news in the last 3 months or should we say since Ocampo read the list to us, which can wear one down and kill the spirit.  So I decided to share my observations of the Hague process.

First of all, going to the Hague could be said to have been a good break for the 6 and their entourage of MPs, relatives and supporters. From their faces, one could read serious and sombre mood but one would say that their faces didn’t reflect stress and sense of urgency or fluster. Maybe it is my interpretation but there was a sense of calmness and serenity for that one hour in court. They were not mobbed by supporters, nor were they rushing from one meeting to another; they had their own space. I think they were really getting worn out criss crossing the country and at the same time doing their ministerial and other duties. They deserved a break, if you forget the ICC for a minute.

Inside the courtroom, for approximately one hour each of the 6 leaders had time to themselves, to think, reflect without any interference from anybody. They had the luxury of listening attentively, keen not to lose on any word the Judge said, despite the fact they had lawyers paid dearly to do this. There was no evidence of dozing during that one hour, in spite of any fatigue, jet lag or sheer boredom of listening to somebody else, especially a woman. For Uhuru especially, this was a new domain, there was no fellow politician or tribesman in the courtroom, making him even more alone than others.

Outside the court, there was a sense of freedom too and I imagine, from what I saw on television, a sense of independence while at the same time an air of dependence on people closest to them; family. I am not sure I saw bodyguards and brief case carriers, nor the usual hangers on and if there were, these belonged to another league. Our leaders were walking together, in an environment without pressure, which allowed them to feel, once in a long long time, like school boys and girls (of course it would have to be a national school) singing together those patriotic songs and even the National Anthem that really rallied them together as one. Some people have expressed their annoyance on them singing the national anthem, but these are innocent Kenyans, and indeed true Kenyans because the Hague had no ‘ubaguzi wa kikabila’ – no discrimination on tribal basis.

What then can we draw as lessons from the Hague and maybe other such visits in the ‘civilised’ (forgive me for our leaders when in Kenya haven’t displayed civilised behaviour) world.

The atmosphere in the courtroom indicated a sense of respect for the rule of law and respect for institutions. Leading the team on the bench was a woman, who ruled the court with authority that emanated from the respect given to institutions by the people for whom we have a ‘love/hate’ relationships who have been at times referred to as ‘foreign masters’. She was firm, with a warm smile on her face and she was surely in control not because of brutal force but due to knowledge and experience as well as the powers vested on her as a Judge of the International Criminal Court by the international community. Whatever different sides of the ‘information’ divide say, I cringe to think what would be happening at the High Court (inside and outside), on City Hall Way in Nairobi, if this was the venue of the Local Tribunal

Our leaders and even electorate shun women and even as we claim equality and equity, for a woman to take up leadership role she must be ready to take all kinds of insults and bullying, except of course if you are a member of the political dynasty or should we call them elite. A woman has to fight all the way, unless of course one can also consider the short cuts that can be availed by the male dominated hierarchy, which can at some point in time undermine your authority.

The majority of ‘our leaders’ in the Hague had to travel by bus. Tuliwaona! This would be demeaning if it had happened in Nairobi. Was it demeaning to be in a public or hired bus in the Netherlands? I guess not. It has been the case to for Hon. Anyang Nyong’o in California, who with his wife took it in their stride and was the usual for the time they were away in the USA. The other option of course was to hire a taxi, which is a mode accepted by a lot of us in Nairobi. Did this teach anything to ‘our leaders’ who have watched as the public transport system was systematically dismantled and the people of Nairobi have been left to what I call anarchy; traffic jams, mad matatu culture that pose perpetual danger to passengers. Don’t forget that it is possible that the majority of the workforce in the City of Nairobi walk to work. And we were supposed to be a ‘working nation’! Another question I would ask our leaders to reflect on if ever they get another hour to themselves is whether Kenyans due to their poverty (read Africanness or blackness) don’t deserve a self respecting public transport system. Remember, as I mentioned in my first blog article, we had a system, timed and well managed. Has it ever crossed our minds that ‘our leaders’ have contributed to the chaos both by sins of commission and omission.

Another thought for ‘our leaders’ when and if you get another hour of reflection would be on the court itself; not only the environment and the comfort it provided for them but the sense of ‘rights’ and the freedom to exercise these rights, the protection provided by the court, and the retinue of lawyers you are privileged to have. Has it ever occurred to ‘our leaders’ that Kenyans deserve the same rights, and are innocent until proven guilty.  What have they done to ensure this is the case for their constituents and for the nation as a whole as they discuss policy issues at parliamentary level? Have ‘our leaders’ taken time in the last 47 years to ensure that the laws protect the rights of African/Black Kenyans? Has anything changed since 1963 to ensure that Kenyans of all races enjoy the same rights? Maybe they should consider what a friend of mine once told me; that we need a new KSPCA which shouId stand for Kenya Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Africans. I can ‘hear’ the loud response; the new Constitution. My issue is whether these same ‘leaders’ have the will and conviction to do this as it may undermine ‘privilege’ which is the hallmark of our political, social and economy system.

Another great lesson which confirms what I have always believed in and said (when I am given an opportunity) is that we haven’t had tribal clashes in Kenya and what happened in 2007/2008 was not Post-Election Violence (PEV), because we don’t have a political divide. The divide we have is an ‘Information divide’ which perpetuates and strengthens the economic and social divides. Why do I say this? As I mentioned earlier, it was evident at the Hague that ‘our leaders’ showed by action that we were a ‘united’ nation as they sang the patriotic songs and the National Anthem. There were no speeches in Gikuyu, Kalenjin nor Somali or Kimeru for that matter. The leaders went further to show our unity and national cohesion by wearing the ‘Ruto cap’, with the national colours; a great show of patriotism. That alone can be evident to the ICC that our leaders are united and there is no way they could have incited, fuelled or even sponsored such actions or atrocities. One would have to be mentally blind not to see.

But the greatest lesson of all was that, for once and for one hour, ‘our leaders’ could sit and listen and could depend on someone else to talk for them. Wow! Maybe if we had more of this our country would not be veering off to that rough path that can lead to ‘fragility’, ‘basket case’ or even worse ‘rogue country’. Maybe if ‘our leaders’ took an hour a week to be with themselves, in silence, away from the crowds, hangers on, sycophants, followers and perpetual leeches and ‘beggars’ from the constituency, we would have better policies, laws that protect Kenyans from disease, hunger and illiteracy. It would remove dependency as there would be institutions that would take care of implementing these policies, under a legal framework that ensures the rights of every Kenyan were respected and protected. And may be as citizens we need to take an hour, even if in one year to work on our democracy which faces many threats. Maybe it would provide time to think through in a coherent manner the bigger picture, not thinking in instalments or in a rickety manner that has landed us in the murk that we are in. We would not need to have to pay for ‘our leaders’ to seek medical care and justice in other countries who we have been struggling to convince that we are a sovereign state, because we either don’t have or we doubt the state of our facilities. And what a better starting poin; than having a minute to sing and reflect on the National Anthem?

There is life after 2012

I am struggling really hard not to sink deeper into cynicism and apathy. What with all that is happening in this 'land and nation', which can sign off one to serious depression. Serious realignment of individuals; I won't call them parties because we don't have those, regional or is it continental campaign against the ICC, while once again we are mobilising assistance to respond to the perennial problem of drought accompanied by famine. The immediate question in mind, of course, is how we got there. It is easy to point fingers at our leaders but as I had argued in my last blog, we get the leaders we deserve and the people we have in power are there because we voted them in to represent us. And that was the main idea about this blog, to allow for my thinking out aloud and exploring deeper within us what could have structurally gone wrong. I say this because, we have adopted humour as our coping mechanism and it has worked very well to keep us going, just like song and dance worked for South Africans during their struggle against apartheid. But to get out of where we are, there is need for us to continuously look at ourselves critically in the mirror and agree on what needs to be done, to be changed.

Since 2008, every January/February I can't quite forget the shock and the disbelief at what happened then and wondering if we are brave enough to ensure that doesn't ever happen again. I remember very vividly coming back from Sierra Leone on 23rd December 2007, to join family and friends for Christmas and most importantly to cast my vote on 28 December. Being away for the whole year, most of the time in countries that had or were experiencing many years of conflict and violence, I was looking forward to coming home; a country that was know to be the haven of peace in East and Horn of Africa. Indeed, while in Sierra Leone I had visited places outside Free Town such as Makeni and Port Loko to the north west of the country. All I heard from people I encountered were very good stories about the Kenyan peace keepers. They were said to be friendly and had really helped communities in their areas of operation, with examples of a church they had helped build and I am not sure a mosque wasn't mentioned. And of great comfort was the names they quoted, reminding me of the diversity of our country. One of the drivers who I travelled with while in the field recounted stories of the good times he had had working with Kenyan peace keepers and his admiration of 'that language of yours' (Kiswahili of course). Wouldn't that make one proud that the image people out there had of Kenyans, united by one African language.

Coming home, there was hardly any time between Christmas and elections. I hadn't had time to understand or even get a gist of the politicking that was going on during the campaign and apart from the tribal undertones, it was difficult for me to tell the difference between the orange and blue; ODM and PNU, and voting choices for me were more dependent on the personalities than party affiliations. Don't ask me about the councillor as I had no idea. But that is a story for another day. I remember a beautiful bright day and going to vote; no long queues, relaxed people and then waiting.

The rest is history that we all know as we watched the 'drama' that was unfolding, on our TV screens and being holed in our houses as the fight, this time round, had come to the city. It was no longer those far off places, and people unknown to us. And the greatest issue was no one knew how far this would go and for how long. I think this is one time, almost everybody in this country was affected as an individual and fear was experienced by all. What I will never forget was my falling ill and having to be taken to Nairobi hospital, having all kind of tests, including CT Scan and the diagnosis at the end was I that I was suffering from stress. I remember sitting in the casualty waiting room watching what was happening on the screens, and everybody quiet, with a thick air of suspicion and fear which was almost tangible. I shudder at the thought that even as I was being examined and going through other procedures in the laboratories, X-ray room, there was always that suspicion of whoever was attending to me, could be from a 'tribe' linked to whoever was seen as the enemy. How sad!

As I recovered from my illness and life was getting slowly back to normal, with signing of the Accord, many questions came to mind for which I have not had an answer. One of them was whether we were really tribalists? Were all my friends, people I had gone to school with, colleagues, who didn't come from my small tribe - that couldn't produce even half a million people during the last census, suddenly my enemies. Or were our leaders, due to lack of foresight, vision and something to offer, drumming ethnic emotions to find shield from their wrong doings. And therefore, really was there a political or tribal divide? To me it was becoming more and more obvious that other than the socio-economic gulf that divides our society, there was the information divide which was exploited and exacerbated by our politicians. But at the same time, as I struggled with these questions, it became evident from the 2007/2008 that as much as we blamed our leaders, we had as much to blame. I realised that I had been very lazy when it came to my participation as a citizen of this country. For one I had not been voting and like many of us I was either cracking jokes (with my crazy sense of humour) and of course, participating in those heated arguments about so and so versus so and so. What was I expected to do? Aren't we supposed to be 'political animals', and especially as the so called democratic space seems to expand.

These questions I asked myself as I realised that many of us had this impression that we were empowered but in practical terms we were actually very disempowered, continue to be pertinent. I say we are disempowered because we seem to have no say and the people we have entrusted our lives to don't respect those lives any more; a gang that drives the vehicle that is this country recklessly (like matatu drivers), using the wrong lanes, overlapping, driving at high speeds; and somehow we cannot say stop. This is particularly so at this time when 2012 has become the focus; more important than anything and anybody in this country. 2012 dominated the referendum on the constitution, blurring important issues which we needed to deliberate on in a very sober manner and get clear understanding of issues of governance, rights and the institutions which will ensure their realisation. What is a very grave matter for our country became another opportunity to strategise for 2012, and we again, for the sake of peace agreed to vote and hopefully questions we had could be addressed afterwards. 2012 is blinding any attention to the fundamental issues which led us to the so called Post Election Violence (PEV), and throwing our credibility as a country out of the window. For what?

One other question that I feel we have to address in depth, to turn the rudderless ship towards the right direction include, what is our understanding of democracy. Is it just voting after every 5 years? Do we have a responsibility as citizens of this country to play an active role in nurturing and growing our democracy? Can we and can I continue to complain about our leaders when I don't want to be involved in anything; and please don't think I am talking about sycophancy and following politicians, seeking favours. No! One of our great responsibility is to work towards closing this great information divide by educating ourselves on what democracy entails; what we vote for and our expectations from our leaders. What about government and governance? Should we continue looking at the government as a charitable organisation or should we educate ourselves to understand our relationship with government, our representation; responsibilities and accountability. What is the difference between the people who are parading themselves as the presidential candidates for 2012, apart from coming from certain tribes which have become bigger than life. Do they have any ideas on how to reform our education and health systems, address the transport, housing issues strategically or narrow the economic divide? We need to delve into these questions and seek the answers because there is life after 2012 for us, our children and our country.