I am struggling really hard not to sink deeper into cynicism and apathy. What with all that is happening in this 'land and nation', which can sign off one to serious depression. Serious realignment of individuals; I won't call them parties because we don't have those, regional or is it continental campaign against the ICC, while once again we are mobilising assistance to respond to the perennial problem of drought accompanied by famine. The immediate question in mind, of course, is how we got there. It is easy to point fingers at our leaders but as I had argued in my last blog, we get the leaders we deserve and the people we have in power are there because we voted them in to represent us. And that was the main idea about this blog, to allow for my thinking out aloud and exploring deeper within us what could have structurally gone wrong. I say this because, we have adopted humour as our coping mechanism and it has worked very well to keep us going, just like song and dance worked for South Africans during their struggle against apartheid. But to get out of where we are, there is need for us to continuously look at ourselves critically in the mirror and agree on what needs to be done, to be changed.
Since 2008, every January/February I can't quite forget the shock and the disbelief at what happened then and wondering if we are brave enough to ensure that doesn't ever happen again. I remember very vividly coming back from Sierra Leone on 23rd December 2007, to join family and friends for Christmas and most importantly to cast my vote on 28 December. Being away for the whole year, most of the time in countries that had or were experiencing many years of conflict and violence, I was looking forward to coming home; a country that was know to be the haven of peace in East and Horn of Africa. Indeed, while in Sierra Leone I had visited places outside Free Town such as Makeni and Port Loko to the north west of the country. All I heard from people I encountered were very good stories about the Kenyan peace keepers. They were said to be friendly and had really helped communities in their areas of operation, with examples of a church they had helped build and I am not sure a mosque wasn't mentioned. And of great comfort was the names they quoted, reminding me of the diversity of our country. One of the drivers who I travelled with while in the field recounted stories of the good times he had had working with Kenyan peace keepers and his admiration of 'that language of yours' (Kiswahili of course). Wouldn't that make one proud that the image people out there had of Kenyans, united by one African language.
Coming home, there was hardly any time between Christmas and elections. I hadn't had time to understand or even get a gist of the politicking that was going on during the campaign and apart from the tribal undertones, it was difficult for me to tell the difference between the orange and blue; ODM and PNU, and voting choices for me were more dependent on the personalities than party affiliations. Don't ask me about the councillor as I had no idea. But that is a story for another day. I remember a beautiful bright day and going to vote; no long queues, relaxed people and then waiting.
The rest is history that we all know as we watched the 'drama' that was unfolding, on our TV screens and being holed in our houses as the fight, this time round, had come to the city. It was no longer those far off places, and people unknown to us. And the greatest issue was no one knew how far this would go and for how long. I think this is one time, almost everybody in this country was affected as an individual and fear was experienced by all. What I will never forget was my falling ill and having to be taken to Nairobi hospital, having all kind of tests, including CT Scan and the diagnosis at the end was I that I was suffering from stress. I remember sitting in the casualty waiting room watching what was happening on the screens, and everybody quiet, with a thick air of suspicion and fear which was almost tangible. I shudder at the thought that even as I was being examined and going through other procedures in the laboratories, X-ray room, there was always that suspicion of whoever was attending to me, could be from a 'tribe' linked to whoever was seen as the enemy. How sad!
As I recovered from my illness and life was getting slowly back to normal, with signing of the Accord, many questions came to mind for which I have not had an answer. One of them was whether we were really tribalists? Were all my friends, people I had gone to school with, colleagues, who didn't come from my small tribe - that couldn't produce even half a million people during the last census, suddenly my enemies. Or were our leaders, due to lack of foresight, vision and something to offer, drumming ethnic emotions to find shield from their wrong doings. And therefore, really was there a political or tribal divide? To me it was becoming more and more obvious that other than the socio-economic gulf that divides our society, there was the information divide which was exploited and exacerbated by our politicians. But at the same time, as I struggled with these questions, it became evident from the 2007/2008 that as much as we blamed our leaders, we had as much to blame. I realised that I had been very lazy when it came to my participation as a citizen of this country. For one I had not been voting and like many of us I was either cracking jokes (with my crazy sense of humour) and of course, participating in those heated arguments about so and so versus so and so. What was I expected to do? Aren't we supposed to be 'political animals', and especially as the so called democratic space seems to expand.
These questions I asked myself as I realised that many of us had this impression that we were empowered but in practical terms we were actually very disempowered, continue to be pertinent. I say we are disempowered because we seem to have no say and the people we have entrusted our lives to don't respect those lives any more; a gang that drives the vehicle that is this country recklessly (like matatu drivers), using the wrong lanes, overlapping, driving at high speeds; and somehow we cannot say stop. This is particularly so at this time when 2012 has become the focus; more important than anything and anybody in this country. 2012 dominated the referendum on the constitution, blurring important issues which we needed to deliberate on in a very sober manner and get clear understanding of issues of governance, rights and the institutions which will ensure their realisation. What is a very grave matter for our country became another opportunity to strategise for 2012, and we again, for the sake of peace agreed to vote and hopefully questions we had could be addressed afterwards. 2012 is blinding any attention to the fundamental issues which led us to the so called Post Election Violence (PEV), and throwing our credibility as a country out of the window. For what?
One other question that I feel we have to address in depth, to turn the rudderless ship towards the right direction include, what is our understanding of democracy. Is it just voting after every 5 years? Do we have a responsibility as citizens of this country to play an active role in nurturing and growing our democracy? Can we and can I continue to complain about our leaders when I don't want to be involved in anything; and please don't think I am talking about sycophancy and following politicians, seeking favours. No! One of our great responsibility is to work towards closing this great information divide by educating ourselves on what democracy entails; what we vote for and our expectations from our leaders. What about government and governance? Should we continue looking at the government as a charitable organisation or should we educate ourselves to understand our relationship with government, our representation; responsibilities and accountability. What is the difference between the people who are parading themselves as the presidential candidates for 2012, apart from coming from certain tribes which have become bigger than life. Do they have any ideas on how to reform our education and health systems, address the transport, housing issues strategically or narrow the economic divide? We need to delve into these questions and seek the answers because there is life after 2012 for us, our children and our country.
